I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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