he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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