He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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