that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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