I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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