Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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