I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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