I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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