I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
