How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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