Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
