Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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