Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I touched a dick in church today
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
