Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
