I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize