Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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