You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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