hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
