it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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