i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i think my cat just said my name.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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