i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
