he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
