How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
