you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
