someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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