all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
