3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
