did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You made out with two different species that night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
