is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
false alarm, still single
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
