I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
