I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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