I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this boner is exhausting
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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