What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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