why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
