I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
