im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
