The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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