Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
