No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
