During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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