the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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