i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
