Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
