If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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