The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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