Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
