I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize