none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
