his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
