matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
