i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was like giving head to a cactus.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
did i just pee glitter
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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