my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
