just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just high enough for therapy.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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