Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
