i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize