i just had sex bonerless
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
