I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
