with your own penis?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
