Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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