I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
