I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There are leaves in my underwear?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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