Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize