It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
