He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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