FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize