We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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