He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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