im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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