How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
