Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
