Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
