I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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