Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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